One of the most difficult moments of my life came on a Wednesday afternoon. Hump day, dump day; that was me. For well over eight months, I was lining myself up for a huge promotion that I convinced myself I wanted. I thought it would bring me more income, more influence and more happiness. Little did I know, I was about to discover the path to all those things….and it didn’t involve that promotion. When I learned someone else was selected, I was completely devastated. I felt cast aside. Useless. I couldn’t understand it. Everyone who knew me couldn’t understand it. I was searching for answers; they were answers I desperately wanted, but I would not receive. My thoughts were consumed by this failure and my heart was broken. I managed to get to sleep early that night but awoke in the middle of the night wanting to know: Why?? As my mind wandered, I slowly began to feel a sense that everything was going to be ok. I didn’t need to know the reason why. I just needed to move on. Time would show me why.
At that time, what I NEEDED was to find my inner strength and to learn that I had the power to bring my dreams to me. That job was not what my spirit needed. What my spirit needed was peace and satisfaction within. At that moment, the memory of a gift given to me 20 years before popped into my mind. 20 years ago, my mother had given me a gift: A one-year Bible that she had read the entire previous year, thinking of and praying for me as she read it. She wrote messages to the future Sarah that were inspired by her reading. I crawled out of bed and went to get that Bible. I found the page for that exact day of the year and the words hit me straight in the heart. The message I received couldn’t have been clearer. I needed to hold my head high and have faith that this was the best thing for me.
A wave of peace washed over me and I felt sunlight beginning to break through the clouds in my mind. Things will happen in the way, and time, they are supposed to. Inside that precious gift was also a piece of paper that I had put there at some unknown time. It was an insert from a sermon that was all about waiting…
I got the answer; I needed to wait, but new questions started forming…what are you waiting for? I asked myself, “Sarah, what do you want? What do you truly want, from the bottom of your heart?” I have always been confused and conflicted by that question because I don’t know what I want, specifically. I feel like I need to create a path, follow it and it will lead me to where I’m supposed to be. I feel like I need to control everything in my life, otherwise I will end up nowhere. But sometimes, we need to hand over the controls. In the words of a dear friend, I need to “get out of your own way.”
During this journey, I have been supported by some amazing people who are helping me to make myself better, personally, not professionally, and I know there is a major shift in my spirit. I was also introduced to a life-changing philosophy from the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The Secret has shown me that I need to think, feel and say what I want. I need to visualize it until I feel that I already have those things. The universe will bring them to me in the best way possible. I need to act when opportunities are presented to me, and I need to be open to following those opportunities. And I am ready for that. So here is what I want:
More time: with Jeff and Madison, creating a peaceful, harmonious home for my family.
Make a difference: Help people. Inspire people. Make a positive impact.
Live life: Explore the world. Enjoy time relaxing with family.
So here it is. In print. What I want. I am on a new journey with the end goal in mind. And I can’t wait to find out how I get there! In the words of Bob Proctor, “Go for it. Be radical.” You got it, Bob. I’m going for it.
6 thoughts on “Through disappointment and confusion came clarity and strength”
I have seen your smiling, positive face around the department since I started working here in April 2015. Today, we said Hello and had a chance to exchange pleasantries. You also told me about this blog. Praise God! This brought answers to me for today and my struggles. You were used today to help me with my questions. Wow! Amazing! The kinship I felt from you and the understanding and compassion. Your prayers are being answered too in reaching out to me. Thank you so much. I hope we can be in each others life to help in a positive way. In fact, I believe it!
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Keep standing strong. You give others strength when they see you going through sh…stuff. 🙂 and you realize better plans are ahead.
I enjoyed this piece, I too used to try and control every aspect of my life, but my secret now is to make sure I live for me and take care of those most important to me. We all have struggles and not each individuals struggles are the same, but I can look back at my life and say I got through those rough moments with the help of a good spirit, heart, strength and my faith. Good job Sarah!
“More time: with Jeff and Madison” Perfect. What else could you possibly need?!
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So glad you liked the article and it came at a time that you needed it. Please share with anyone you feel it may help. All the best to you!